The Grand Canyon...Between Marco and I (Yikes!)

Since my last blog entry, Marco and I have covered a lot of ground—both physically, with respect to the number of states we have visited, and, more importantly, personally, with respect to working on our relationship. I’ll start with the easier of the two, the places we have visited. After leaving the Redwoods, we started our trek inland towards New Mexico, with our first stop being the magnificent Lake Tahoe. For anyone in the area, I strongly recommend driving Route 299 East from Eureka, CA to Redding, CA. It is a gorgeous drive that runs through a canyon and parallels the beautiful Trinity River that is perfect for jumping into if your van is a stifling ninety-five degrees! As for Tahoe, as with almost every place we have visited, this was my first time checking out the area. The lake is the MOST beautiful lake I have ever been to and it is extremely easy to access. We drove along the northern rim of the lake, which crosses the border of California into Nevada, and were able to park along the road that runs the circumference of the lake. After hopping the guardrail and scrambling down a few rocks, we were at the lake at what felt like our own private beach—no people, no noise, no distractions. We spent the afternoon relaxing, swimming, reading, and (if you’re Marco) drinking beers. I fell in love with Lake Tahoe because, in addition to the breathtaking views, I have never been to a lake like it—there are huge boulders that spot the bottom of the crystal clear lake, so that you can swim twenty feet from the shore and be in deep water, but then step onto a huge boulder so that the water is only waist deep. It was so much fun to boulder hop in a lake. I fell in love with Lake Tahoe and can’t wait to return.

After an afternoon in Tahoe, we continued driving south through Nevada—holy amazing drive. The landscape in Nevada is beautiful. It consists of endless deserts stretching out before looming mountain ranges.

While I was driving this stretch of the road, Marco was intent on having me force another car into playing chicken. In other words, when a car passed us, Marco wanted me to speed up so that the car could not pass us and was forced into playing chicken with oncoming traffic. Ninety-nine percent of me knows he was joking, but there is one percent of me that is worried that if he had been with his guy friends, they totally would have done it. Yikes!

Also, for those interested in great camping spots, Nevada rest stops are the BEST for camping! We stopped at a rest stop on Route 95 and were pleasantly surprised to find that the rest stop hosts a free campground with fire pits, grills, garbage disposal, and clean restrooms! The only catch is the max stay is 18 hours…but, it is nonetheless perfect for a quick night of camping while en route to another destination. It definitely beats a WalMart parking lot! And, given that you’re in the middle of the desert, the views of the stars are unmatched!

We ended our long drive south in Las Vegas. The temps were a cool 102 degrees, so, for the second time during our trip, we opted to crash in a hotel rather than sleep in the van. It was a lovely (and, for me, very-MUCH-needed) break from road tripping life for a night. We got to shower, sleep in a clean bed, and enjoy a delicious dinner out on the town. It felt like pure luxury…I even wore a dress and put make-up on! In terms of gambling, neither of us are big gamblers, so we only ended up spending a single dollar on a slot machine. We did a lot of observing of the roulette table, however, so next time we encounter a casino, maybe we’ll be a little more active…it’s just so tough to risk money when you’re unemployed and living on the road! All in all, Vegas was interesting to check out, but both Marco and I were ready to leave after one night. It brought back too many memories of Times Square and crowded NYC streets during the summer—hoards of tourists, countless street performers trying to entice you out of your money, and more heat than even the sun would know what to do with. Maybe in cooler temperatures it would be more enjoyable…or maybe when we have jobs and actual money to spend! I’m sure we will be back through the area in the fall to check out the climbing at Red Rocks.

The water show at the Bellagio Hotel.

After a night of luxurious living in a hotel, we packed up our mobile home and hit the road. The next destination—the Grand Canyon! On our way to the Grand Canyon, we made a quick pit stop to check out the Hoover Dam. It was unbearably hot (after running the AC for a while, our van still read an uncomfortably hot temperature of 96.1 degrees!), but worth the visit.

Driving across the Hoover Dam!

Lake Mead, which feeds into the Hoover Dam.

Hot hot hot!

Fortunately, once we made it to the Grand Canyon, the temperatures cooled off considerably. We camped in the Kaibab National Forest, just south of the Grand Canyon. Vandwellers take note—we have discovered that National Forests are ideal for free camping. Almost every National Forest allows dispersed camping for free, which means you can drive into the forest along a Forestry Road (usually they are very well labeled, but can be a bit rough), park, and camp wherever you’d like. Check out the beautiful spot we snagged in Kaibab National Forest—it is definitely one of the nicest National Forests we have yet to camp in.

One of the things I feel most fortunate about with respect to this trip is the number of sunsets we have been able to experience. It’s really an incredible treat that will never lose its excitement or appeal, no matter how many sunsets we have seen! 

And now for a recap of our experience in Grand Canyon National Park. Well, as you may have guessed from the title of this entry, our time in Grand Canyon wasn’t exactly a stroll in paradise. As I stated in an earlier blog entry, things with Marco and I have been tense throughout periods of this trip. Most periods of the trip have been great, but others have been somewhat of a rollercoaster…with pretty steep and rapid lows. Fittingly, the Grand Canyon happened to be one of the lowest of the lows. The scenery was obviously great—who can’t marvel at the Grand Canyon! I mean come on, it’s the freaking Grand Canyon!

Can you spot Marco…in the right-center of the photo on the ledge? Marco Polo!

Another ledge shot of Marco...that's him at the very edge!

The Colorado River, which runs through the Grand Canyon.

The shade and sunlight changed constantly...it made every second of every view new and exciting!

But, scenery aside, not much else was great about our visit to the Grand Canyon. We were bickering from the start of the day. It was one of our usual arguments: I was annoyed because I feel like I have to plan everything—where we go, what we do there, how to get there, etc., etc. Normally, when we visit a national park, I’ll read our guidebook to figure out what we should do while we’re there. But, seeing as the Grand Canyon is pretty self explanatory, I skipped this step and figured we would be able to wing it. It’s the Grand Canyon, I imagined it was pretty hard to miss. But of course, once we showed up, there were various routes to drive, hikes to take, and places to stop. I was frustrated—we had one day in the Grand Canyon, I was hoping to enjoy it, but because I didn’t take the time to figure out where we should drive to and what we should see, we spent the first hour traipsing aimlessly around the visitor center. So we were already off to a bad start. On previous occasions on the trip, I had voiced my annoyance at having to plan everything. I would really just love to rely on Marco for a couple days to plan stuff and figure out logistics. But, unfortunately, Marco’s not a planner. If it does not involve climbing, he doesn’t really care what he does or where he goes, so he is quite unmotivated to plan anything that does not involve climbing (I get annoyed just typing it!). Things pretty much snowballed from that point on. We went through the motions of exploring the Grand Canyon, but we bickered most of the time. Though I should clarify—“bickering” is not really in Marco’s vocabulary…he is the most peaceful and kind person I know, particularly when it comes to me and others he loves. So when I use the word bickering, I really mean I was frustrated and taking it all out on Marco, while he was sitting there and taking it without much of a fight at all (which is also frustrating in its own right; sometimes it is just therapeutic and cathartic to argue and get something out of your system). I will fully admit to not knowing how to handle my frustration and I probably (probably=most definitely) am not very nice to be around when frustrated. We ultimately ended up parting ways on our hike into the canyon, which, again, I will take responsibility for. I was continually snapping at him and making the environment pretty miserable for both of us, and, ultimately, I told him I wanted to hike by my lonesome…aka, without him. Of course, as soon as the words were out of my mouth I felt bad, but I was too stubborn and frustrated to take them back. I assumed he was going to just hike up ahead of me, so that he could enjoy the hike too, but he was so defeated and miserable he decided to head back to the car. I hiked on for a bit, feeling incredibly bad but simultaneously uber-frustrated. It was tough to reconcile the two feelings. In addition, it was also very surreal that this all was happening while I was surrounded by the Grand Canyon! How was I fighting with my boyfriend when I was looking at this!?

Views from Grandview Trail.

As I reversed my route and made my way back out of the canyon, I found Marco sitting under a tree a couple hundred yards from the start of the hike. As always, it was hard to maintain any feelings of frustration towards him because there he was…waiting at the beginning of the hike for me to make sure I was okay. After I had treated him like the worst dog poop all day long, he was waiting for me. Though my feelings of frustration melted away, the underlying tension between us was still very much present. But, fortunately, it would not surface again until the following day, so we managed to push everything aside and enjoy the remainder of our evening in the Grand Canyon. We got a tip from a local on a secret overlook with camp grills, so we were able to grill a delicious dinner with an even more delicious view! Grills are our preferred method of cooking…hardly any dishes to clean!

Steak and potatoes...our favorite!

Waiting for dinner to cook...I read while Marco plays Gameboy.

Our view...very surreal. Despite any of the rough times we have encountered, we have (and are) appreciating every minute of every amazing thing we have seen.

After we finished eating, we noticed two men with a pretty intense camera set-up on a ledge in the distance.

They're on the edge of the outcrop rock in the middle of the picture.

Given the amount of photography gear they had, we assumed they were familiar with the area and they were in a good spot to catch the sunset. So, of course, we scrambled over to where they were to watch the sunset. Turns out we were right. They are visiting from Belgium and are filming a documentary on the Grand Canyon…they actually get to call hanging out in the Grand Canyon work! Even better, their job involves taking time lapse photos of the stars in the Grand Canyon, so they get to camp out on the little ledge we found them on. I’m pretty sure that beats just about any job out there! So, we were fortunate to catch an amazing sunset at an amazing spot in the Grand Canyon, with only two Belgium photographers to share it with. No other tourists around. As mentioned previously, catching a sunset will never get old. It will always feel like a new experience and it will always be just as exhilarating at the last sunset. I will never take a single sunset for granted. Watch how the colors in the sky change!

So, after a not-so-great day of bickering and sad-solo-hiking, Marco and I managed to end things on a positive note. Until, of course, the next day rolled around and some nasty little bugger of an issue again managed to worm its way into our relationship. I don’t know what triggered it the following day, but I am positive it was a result of me getting annoyed over something dumb and making things generally miserable for us both. It was a reoccurring problem. And, after viewing the Grand Canyon with my own eyes, I realized that a similarly sized canyon had formed between Marco and me. He realized it too. Maybe it took viewing an actual canyon to bring it to our attention, I don’t know. But after our visit to Grand Canyon, it was very obvious to us both and neither one of us felt like ignoring it any longer. So, when we arrived in Flagstaff, Arizona, our next climbing destination, we spent a day hashing things out. We came to some serious realizations—namely that this road trip is much more stressful for me than I anticipated. And, if you haven’t noticed, I don’t do well under stress. During our four years in New York, the only two or three fights Marco and I ever got into were a result of me being uber-stressed out due to work and taking it out on him. So, we identified the problem: this trip is causing some serious stress for me and, in turn, it’s not creating the healthiest environment for our relationship. What, you ask, could possibly stress me out on this wondrous road trip on which I should have no care in the world?! Well, let me count the ways…what are we going to do tomorrow? Where are we going to sleep tonight? How are we going to get from point A to point B? We’re visiting a national park are we…well then, what are we going to do while we’re there? We have to be where by what date…well how do we fit in all the climbing destinations we want to visit on our way? Pretty much every detail of this trip falls on my shoulders and it stresses me out. Which, in all fairness, is my own fault. Marco is so much more carefree and flies by the seat of his pants, while I, on the other hand, need a bit more of a plan. I want to make sure I’m “doing things right” (whatever that means!). So, since he doesn’t feel the need to plan, he just doesn’t plan anything; which, in turn, means I get stuck worrying about all the little details of when we have to leave an area to get to the next area to make sure we’re at whatever destination we have to be at by a certain time. Ugh! It makes my head spin. And, at moments, it was making me seriously resent this road trip and resent my partner on this trip. (Key phrase = “at moments.” Don’t get me wrong, most of this trip has been amazing and I don’t regret a single second of it. It’s not like I am going through the trip carrying around loads of stress and resentment. But, in upholding my earlier vow of practicing honest-social-media, I will admit there is a large amount of stress that I was not anticipating and have had a very hard time dealing with.)

All in all, it was great to talk about things and identify one of the main causes of our problems. Ultimately, I think nine years in New York City (seven of those years being split between law school and life as an attorney at a big law firm) had some negative effects on my emotional well-being. Specifically, I was burdened with an immense amount of stress that I carried around constantly. Stress was the norm. For me, being stressed was like wearing underwear—I just did it, without questioning it. For those not familiar with NYC, every little task can be stressful: getting groceries—carrying the heavy bags back to your apartment and up flights of stairs; finding a doctor/dentist—you’d be surprised how many people in the medical field are super sketchy; finding an affordable hairdresser—it seems like every hairdresser charges $150 for a wash, cut and blow-dry; going clothes shopping—the crowds, the lines for the dressing rooms, the racks picked clean of all items in your size; purchasing any large item—imagine carrying a television set, air conditioner or rug on the subway or through the streets of Manhattan only to lug it up the stairs to your apartment; and, worst of all, finding an apartment—don’t get me started! Stress was always there, poking its ugly little head out around some corner. You just learn to live with it. And now, with New York City far behind me, I find myself not knowing how to live without stress! I have to learn how to rid myself of stress (or at least a good portion of the stress I carry) and live a stress-free existence. Despite what you may think, it is such a brutally hard thing to learn and it is taking much longer than anticipated—we moved out of New York over five months ago!—but it is such a mandatory lesson that I know will enrich my life in the long run. I look at Marco and can see how light and carefree he is. And just recently, since having the long discussion with Marco about our relationship, I am finally starting to feel moments of lightness myself. It feels great to feel the stress of NYC melting away. I am slowly coming to the realization that life does not have to be stressful all the time. So, all in all, the debacle at the Grand Canyon forced us to confront and discuss some serious issues that have been bubbling under the surface for a while. Hopefully things will work themselves out. As for me, I’m optimistic and already feel a definite positive change in myself and in our relationship. We’re more cognizant of our problems and are now taking proactive steps to ensure that we don’t let any issue fester too much so that it results in an unnecessary day of bickering.

I am realizing that strong relationships truly are hard work. While we could easily call it quits and go our separate ways (which has been discussed more than once, I assure you), neither one of us genuinely wants to do that. We have something that is unique and incredibly difficult to find—I feel so much more complete with Marco in my life, I could not imagine living life without him (that is putting it succinctly and simply, I could say so much more about how wonderful he is). I’ve never felt this way about a person. And, I like to think (and hope!), he feels similarly. But, at the same time, I am currently having a difficult time keeping him in my life and ensuring that both he and I are happy. So, we’re working on it. Obviously, if our relationship required hard work all the time, then maybe we’d have a real issue and a reason to break up. But these hard times we’ve come upon appear to be solely a result of the crazy situation we threw ourselves into—many months on the road in a van with just each other as an outlet. Just to provide some context and perspective, aside from the weekend I flew home for my grandmother’s funeral, the longest period of time Marco and I have spent apart since I quit my job on March 5, is probably two hours, during which he went to a bar with my friend’s husband and I hung out with my friend. Now take that and chew on it! Imagine…every minute of every day for the last five and a half months with one person in a small confined space. It’s harder than you think. But we had an incredibly strong relationship for four years in New York, so I know there is something there worth holding onto.

Anyways, enough relationship drama. I just felt obligated to throw it in, given my prior declaration to ensure this blog was not misleading and did not present a false sense of happiness. Boiled down…this trip is phenomenal, but it is equally stressful and difficult. And now, for some pictures from our climbing experience in Flagstaff. We spent all of our climbing time checking out Priest Draw, a bouldering area in Flagstaff that consists mainly of limestone roofs. It was a playground for me. I LOVE roof climbing…it makes me feel strong and it gets me super worked. Limestone roofs are the perfect playground in which to work on roof climbing—huge smooth jugs. In addition, there is no guidebook for the area, so it makes it very fun to just jump on problems and have a good time without worrying about grades. The camping situation is also very ideal. We camped for free in the Coconino National Forest, which was about a ten minute walk to the boulders. Unfortunately, the heat was a bit of a factor. Though the nights were very cool, the days did get up to 80 degrees (though we were under roofs most of the time, so it was bearable!). But, it was too hot for us to get on any routes in the area, and, from what we hear, the nearby routes are pretty stellar, including the routes in Sedona, Jack’s Canyon, and the Pit. Sedona and Jack’s Canyon in particular are lower in elevation so the temperatures there were in the 90’s. Overall, I would be very happy to call Priest Draw my local bouldering area. Phoenix climbers can get there in two hours, so I think it is a perfect destination for in-state climbers. I had a blast climbing and we met some really great climbers from the Phoenix-area. In fact, based on the climbers we met, I’d go so far as to say Phoenix has some of the nicest, most hospitable, and most modest/down-to-earth climbers we have met thus far on the trip.

Our campsite.

The chipmunk that lived under our fire pit.

The Fin, V2. There is no guidebook to the area, so all route names and grades are based on what we heard from the locals.

It ended up being one of my favorite problems ever, because I was able to use a foot jam to get to the finishing lip!

Marco scoping out Bat Cave.

One of Marco's favorite holds.

While in Arizona, we also made two incredible pit-stops that I highly recommend for anyone in the area. First, we spent an afternoon in Sedona, walking around, eating and relaxing. The drive from Flagstaff to Sedona along Route 89 is utterly breathtaking. As you approach Sedona, the red rocks just rise up and their beauty is unquestionable.

A creek along Route 89.

Check out the views from the downtown area.

Even the views from the store balconies were beautiful...I'd gladly shop there any day!

In addition, a couple climbers we met recommended checking out East Clear Creek in Winslow, Arizona. East Clear Creek runs through a beautiful sandstone canyon and, apparently, it has pretty top-notch deep water soloing. Marco was familiar with the area from a climbing video. Unfortunately, we were unable to get a blow up raft from WalMart, so no deep water soloing for us, but, we nonetheless took advantage of the creek. We spent two days swimming and cliff jumping. Given that East Clear Creek sits in Winslow, which was a nice 95 degrees, the water in the creek felt like it was bath water. It was incredibly warm and very fun to relax in…especially after eight days in Flagstaff without a shower! It was one of the best pit-stops, thus far, on the entire trip. We had SO much fun! Marco is working his way up to some seriously high cliff jumps…his best was 15-20 feet! I, on the other hand, only managed a 5-10 foot cliff jump, but, for me, that’s HUGE! I was psyched!

A really, really long train we passed on our way to Winslow, Arizona.

Bean, waiting patiently for us. She did a lot of off-roading in Arizona and handled surprisingly well!

And with Arizona behind us, we made it safely and soundly to the New Mexican wedding celebration of one of my dear roommates from college. It was a spectacular weekend filled with AMAZING friends, great food, delicious drinks, and wonderful, irreplaceable college-reunion time!

All the ladies around Megs, the bride/mom-to-be! So, Megs may have already been married...and eight months pregnant...but it was a wonderful wedding/family beginnings celebration nonetheless! 

Hot mama Nay and little David.

Superb decorating, courtesy of the wonderful ladies of Mod 31! Yup, we did all the decorating ourselves! It was such a blast to spend the day with my old college roommates...we could have been rolling in the dirt (which we were at one point), and I would have had a great time. Megs, thanks again for a wonderful weekend!

Luminaries around the pool!

Staino, Sup, and me.

One of the rare moments on the trip where we are showered and clean!

Adam and Katie!

The beautiful bride! How radiant.

The luminaries lit up!

All right, well that wraps up a very, very long blog entry. For those that actually made it to the end, thanks for reading! As always, we miss everyone dearly! Our tentative plan is to spend September in Utah (Joe’s Valley?), October in Joshua Tree, and November in Yosemite & Bishop. COME VISIT!  Lots of love from the road.